Amber Wyatt

Because It Hurts

I have to tell you that it’s difficult to read all this stuff on Twitter about how Kavanaugh, the nominee for the Supreme Court, allegedly raped multiple women. I sit at home in an altered pain-state that a kidney stone and a stent has created. It’s surreal. I’m dissipating, diffusing, dissolving as we speak. Pain alters time and space. One bright spot of pain dissipates throughout an entire life over thirty-five years. I keep trying to tell myself that it’s only a metaphor, right? It’s not happening now. It’s some caustic karmic metaphor for all these arguments about why she didn’t report it thirty-five years ago to make it better for women that came after her.

The #MeToo movement is a powerful thing. It is going to take down some people, but not without a fight, not without comments like ‘What were you wearing?’ or ‘All teenage boys do that.’

She didn’t report the incidents because of comments like this, because she knew people would say it wasn’t really rape if she’d actually had a drink at the party with the guy first. She didn’t report the incidents because her lawyer said she couldn’t prove anything in a court of law. She didn’t report them because a manager told her she’d never work in the business again if she did. She didn’t report because the African American guy who could have backed her up said he was in enough trouble as it was and he really needed his job and she knew he was right. She didn’t report because she’d had a couple of drinks and she knew this was an unwritten invitation to rape. Don’t dignify it by calling it unwanted sex. She didn’t report the assault because she’d worn a skirt and pink lipstick. She didn’t report because he told her he’d get her in trouble if she told anyone and she knew he would do it. She didn’t report because he was her boss, the guy she was supposed to report the incidents to.

Did you read this article about Amber Wyatt who did report her rape? This is the answer to that question of why others didn’t report until thirty-five years later. There are death threats against Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. This is the answer to the question of why she didn’t report sooner.

I can’t sit here for very much longer today. I’m floating away.

I’m floating away on the argument that even if she did report, it probably won’t matter. The men are likely to confirm Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court anyway, even if he did rape multiple women.

And it hurts. Everything fucking hurts.

Thank you for listening, jules