I work with two students who seem to be polar opposites.
One is quiet, is easily ignored, and gets lost in the system. And yet, I find myself reaching out to ask him how he’s doing, telling his parents what a good kid he is and how much I like working with him. I try to challenge him but don’t push too hard in case it makes him duck back into his shell. In some ways, this boy is overly-compliant and hides his true self, and yet I can see the sparks of his humor if I get quiet and listen closely. I can see who he is, I think.
I just wonder how much he has to sublimate his own soul to fit into my expectations of him.
Now, did I tell you he’s a student of color? Doesn’t that change everything?
I think it does.
The other boy, also a student of color, is scrappy. He’s a whirlwind of fury. He lashes out at any hand that reaches toward him. He expects the worst. He’s willing to fight and gets into trouble often. I have argued with him myself because he rejects my help. I have written notes to his parents about how uncooperative he is, Yet, he works diligently and independently in my presence. I admit that I’ve pressed him until he had to leave the room and spend a little too long in the bathroom. I have used the word misogyny with him. I have used the words implicit bias regarding his views of women. But, I need to examine if I get mad because he rejects my help, really, or because he rejects my authority.
This morning, I realized that I needed to examine my own implicit biases. It’s easy to work with students of color when they defer to me, when they are quiet about my errors. But how do I reach out to a student who is not so easily manipulated, the one who lets his anger show?
I have to think about that. I’m not sure this boy would be receptive to talking with me openly about it. It will be hard to examine my own implicit biases without an angry young student of color to challenge them directly. But I have to try.
Maybe what this boy needs, as much as the boy who is quiet and well-behaved, is compassion for his feelings.
Thank you for listening, jules